he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Two words: blizzard sex
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
