My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
