I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
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i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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