I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize