4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
