he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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