seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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