My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
