You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
