Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
