While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
