I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize