so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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