he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
