I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
