you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
