i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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