jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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