I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
