we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
