My room smells like vodka and shame
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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