In the future we'll all be gay
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
