He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
