Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
