My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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