He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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