Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
