My cat gives me a boner
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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