I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
