my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
