wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
