what day is it and did you see me today?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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