you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
