i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
