The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
third nipple confirmed
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
