do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
