in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
