Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize