I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
