Me. At least after what I've been through.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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