i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
