I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
