3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
