I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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