okay pat passed out under dana's car
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
