i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
