Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
