u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize