Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize