I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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