He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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