i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
