I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
