there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
