i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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