I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
