when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
