He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
