I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
