I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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