I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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