Jerry, you need to find god
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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