haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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