Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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