I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
