I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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