I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
