she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
