yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
