just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
