No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
