Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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