I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
