Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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