don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
time to smoke my breakfast
she pinky promised me she was 18
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
