If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
