mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
accomplished twins. life is a go
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
